By Russell Balkind
Imagine, if you will, the perfect cricket match. Good weather?
Check. Lovely ground? Check. Two well-matched teams? Check. Stomach
churning moments of jeopardy? Check. Tension? Check. A boy being
dragged off his feet by a giant kite? Check. A dog invading the
pitch to do some business? Check. Its owner following on to collect
said business? Check.
Sunday's match between The Old Fallopians and the clearly Czech
folk- rock inspired (Should that be Check folk rock? Ed) Tower of
Dudes featured all of these characteristics and more. A quick glance
at the scorecard may lead you to believe that it was Extras who was
the deciding factor between these two teams but that would be hasty.
In truth it was Fallopian experience and not a little luck that saw
them emerge as victors.
AK Southey (one of several Kolpakkers plying their trade for The
Fallopians) was captain for the day and, after winning the toss, he
decided to bowl in sunny if blustery conditions on Hampstead Heath.
The opening bowlers soon made their mark on the inexperienced
Dude batting line-up. Peter Frisby (bowling up the hill and into a
force nine gale) bowled a lovely line in his opening 4 over spell
picking up 2-12. He was ably assisted by the surprisingly tall
Darren Tempany, making a welcome return to the Fallopian cause after
plying his trade for a team in a 'league'.
Together they stifled the Dudes forcing them to take risks in
order to keep the scoreboard ticking over. It was this risk taking
that would see the end Peel and Breen the former taking a silly run
to a panther like Chris Curley who threw down the stumps at the
non-strikers end and the latter trying to sweep a straight one from
John Shaw and finding himself bowled.
The Dudes were now 4 down for not very many. Enter Owen Powell to
begin a rebuilding job with the steady opener Harvey. Together they
fought off the Fallopians with a mixture of luck and some judicious
shots including a well-swept boundary for Powell off the bowling of
Roy. Both Powell and Harvey battled with Curley's brilliant
exhibition of leg-spin bowling. After missing the field with a
series of lofted shots, Powell eventually perished to a
well-flighted delivery for a plucky 14.
At this point The Fallopian tails were up. The Dudes' foundations
were rocking and their tower was about to come crashing down. Not if
Charlie Beall had anything to do with it however. After being
dropped off his first delivery (the ball looped awkwardly into the
sun, honest!), Beall set about the Fallopian bowling with glee
smiting a series of leg side boundaries including 5 successive
scoring shots of 4.
It took the return of Frisby to put pay to Beall (after Balkind
narrowly missed running him out in a piece of fielding that Jonty
Rhodes would have been proud of had it hit). Beall had never hit a
50 until he met the Fallopians but he left the field with 51
well-made runs to his name. At the other end the Dude captain Penn
made a tidy 19 before chopping straight to a languid Robert Press at
backward point.
Once the mainstays of the Dudes innings had been removed, Southey
brought Tempany back into the attack to mop up the tail which he
duly did bowling Layton and Harvey for low scores. The other Dude
wicket was taken by Justin Roy who finished with 1-7 off his 3
overs. This was the Dudes first ever match and they made a pretty
good fist of their first innings closing on 139 all out.
The Tower of Dudes opening bowler Charlie Layton hadn't bowled for 8
years before Sunday's match. After the match on Sunday he was
probably wondering whether he might be playing for England had he
spent those 8 years honing his bowling. Admittedly aided by some
inconsistent bounce and a Fallopian penchant for hanging around on
the backfoot, Layton ripped through the Fallopian top order taking
3-6 in his opening four over spell.
However the Dudes hadn't counted on the splendid efforts of
Justin Roy and Robert Press who put on 64 for the 4th wicket
including a brutal assault on Guardian cricket correspondent
Lawrence Booth who Press hit four boundaries in a single over. Press
eventually departed to a terrible shot caught and bowled by Higgins
for 32 and Roy was bowled by the seemingly indefatigable Layton for
26.
Captain Southey departed to a dubious LBW decision and the
Fallopians were under the cosh once more. Surely they couldn't lose
from here. Balkind and Tempany came and went without really
troubling the scorers greatly. In the end, it was left to Curley and
Shaw to see the Fallopians home without any further loss.
This was the Tower of Dudes first match and I, for one, hope that
it won't be their last
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The brave losers: a formation of Dudes |