By Peter Henry
The newspaper headlines read – “Millions tune in for sporting
bonanza”. While four solitary Fallopian batsmen huddled under
umbrellas to watch their team soar to victory on the Heath.
On a typical English summer’s day which included rain, drizzle,
showers, torrential downpours and yet more rain, the two o’clock
start was postponed for preliminary discussions on pitch conditions
at the clubhouse (local gastropub). Two pints of Peroni later and
with the tiniest smatterings of sun beginning to break through the
infallible grey sky, the two teams gathered at the ground and
decided to commence with a reduced 30 over game.
The cry of Press shouting “Boundary Flags £$”##$ I knew I'd
forgotten something” could be heard from Golders Green and we
foolishly substituted with umbrellas, stumps and, well, anything we
could find, really. With the boundary placed in surveyed precision,
Henry was duly nominated captain on what was to prove to be a
fruitful day for the young Australian.
The toss was won and the Fallopians elected to bat, with AK and Pete
R opening. It was a strong start, with AK taking no time at all in
using the fast outfield to his advantage cracking several punishing
fours, he was relishing the opening attack of Alex and Sasha.
Unfortunately the erratic bounce was to get the better of Pete and
he lost his wicket to Sasha with one that kept low.
With the Fallopians only having eight players, a confident Press
ambled out to the middle intently focused on seeing out the overs.
Hoping that AK could hold the fort with him, he was shortly
disappointed when AK was caught trying to loft one long off the
bowling of Alex. Into the crease stepped Henry, who with Press was
to put on a partnership of 125.
It was a partnership of true
Fallopian grit, with Press frustrating the bowling with his
impenetrable wall of defence while Henry’s hard impact hitting had
the fielders posted to the outer boundaries [We all know who's
writing this - Ed]. Alas the partnership came to an end when
Henry chasing a wide, popped one up to gully to be caught on 70 off
the bowling of the opposition captain Alex.
Press was to depart shortly after with the remaining four Fallopian
batsmen Sultanti, Hemelryk, Press Junior and Shaw all contributing
with the bat. At the end of 30 overs The Fallopians had amassed a
substantial total of 192.
Now not one to normally write up the tea break, I feel it’s my duty
to broadcast for any future Fallopian tea makers, that eggs and
cucumber do not work as a sandwich combination no matter how many
times you say that cucumbers are synonymous with cricket.
With the return of the rain, so to the Fallopians returned to the
field. The opening spell remained wicketless until Henry struck with
a beauty that cut of the seam taking the bails to remove the first
of the Wildwoods opening batsmen. The remaining Wildwood opener
seemed to have no problem picking off the bad deliveries and was
moving his team steadily toward the required run rate.
A bowling change by the captain and enter Sultanti and Press junior.
Sultanti with his flight and Press Junior with his deadly slower
balls had the opposition baffled. Sultanti soon struck which was the
catalyst of the Wildwood downfall.
Well the write-up wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the
absolutely superb spell of bowling from John Shaw who took 4-8 to
remove most of the Wildwood team. From start to finish his clean
line and length bowling proved to much for the meek Wildwood middle
order and his bowling secured the game for the Fallopians to the
jubilance of the rest of the team.
To summise, a fantastic game in testing conditions with great
sportsmanship shown by both teams.
Man of the match – John Shaw.
Slower Ball Award – Unpickable, Junior Press
Running Commentary Award – AK Shoutey
Dive of the day – David Sultanti with his own goal 4.